Category: Dating and Relationships
How can you tell if the person you are extremely compatible with is over an old
girlfriend/Boyfriend? Are there things that will tell you about this spirit of desire they hope
to reconnect with their old flame? What does it mean when you actually cont them, and
they deflect from the statement? Anything any comments are welcome.
Ugh sorry about the typos. I hope you all understand what I was trying to say.
Why do you think the he/she isn't over the old flame?
Are you the jealous type?
I'd say deflecting isn't a good sign, but how many times have you asked? If this is the 20th time you've asked, the deflection probably means something different than if it is the first time you asked.
Hard to say without details and.
Also, if you say you are totally compatible, why does it matter?
Relize people sometimes never get over a past lover if they truly loved them, but are 100% able to love another completely.
They are with you, right?
Seems to me as long as I'm being treated well, I don't worry about things like that.
If you keep asking, then as stated above, you probably aren't completely compatible, or have reason to suspect, or are just flat out over Possessive or jealous.
It drive me away if my current lover kept asking me if I was over the ghost lover. I'd feel I wasn't giving her enough, and never could, so I'd move on.
This wasn't a question on my behalf. I'm more bored than anything when coming on here
lately. However, Wayne despite your responses being lengthy you seem to truly focus on
the questions. Eh anyone else please come up with a better question. However, please
stop making other questions so vulgar.
Seemed like a complete question.
I asked this question as well, and I got back if the person were speaking to the past ghost dailty, emailing, or texting, then it would also be possible they weren't finished.
If they talked about her/him all the time as well, they'd not be past.
I believe from personal experience that it is entirely possible to love someone for a long period of time and still have good memories even long after the relationship has ended. That's not to imply, however, that those memories need to be shared with a new lover or that those memories should be spoken of very oftenin a new relationship. If that's what happening, then I think a red flag is being raised. But I caution that the person being bothered should sit down and examine himself or herself to determine if the problem is jealousy or if there is real cause to discuss the issue with the new lover. If there really is complete compatibility and trust, then such a discussion should put the issue to rest or bring it out in the open.
I'm gonna be blunt here.
Most of my relationships have been pretty long ones. Longer relationships, in particular, tend to yield memories. Some of those memories are funny or fond or apt, and so sometimes I will speak of them. Yes, I've done this with new partners, discussing memories related to old partners I mean. I try not to overdo it though, because I know how it goes.
The way I think of it is this. If a person is always and forever talking about an ex, that's a red flag. If they never seem happy with you, or if they keep comparing you to their ex, that's also a red flag. If they occasionally bring up something nice or amusing or interesting related to an ex, that's not a problem. Not for me, anyway. That doesn't bespeak jealously.
And here's where the bluntness comes in.
I've been jealous before, but I'm not a jealous man, by and large. I think jealousy is largely wasted. Either you are confident enough with your partner that it shouldn't be an issue, or you're not. If you're with someone, and they with you, then you two should trust one another insofar as a desire to be together. That should remain inviolate so long as nothing starts chewing at it. To start second-guessing a new lover because he or she can still think fondly of the past is, in my eyes at least, almost going too far, unless (as stated in a previous post) it's happening all the time. That's a problem. But you are probably not your partner's only romantic relationship ever. They're allowed to have fond memories that don't involve you. Frankly, I am not too long out of a four-and-a-half-year relationship, and I can tell you right now that some of the memories my ex and I have will be with me, fondly, till I die. I'm okay with that. They don't have to define my life, and I'm not going to wax wistful about them at every opportunity. I do not wish to overwhelm a new partner, whenever she comes along, with my past, good or ill. But to wall it up completely, to pretend like it never happened for the sake of a partner's potential jealousy? That's a little too far over the high side in my view.
So this circles around to the point I'm trying to make. Read your partner as even-handedly as possible. Maybe they're making you jealous, but maybe they don't mean to. Maybe they aren't into you, at which point you should probably sit down with them and thrash it out. Maybe they're just the gushy sort, who really likes to talk. I am sometimes, and it's caused me some headaches, let me tell ya. Frankly, we as outsiders can't possibly give much good advice on this because we don't know either person involved, so without more details, any advice we give beyond "be careful" or "be reasonable" won't fly.
personally, if you even have to ask this question, something is wrong. if the relationship is where it needs to be in terms of trust and love, than someone bringing up something good or bad that happened with an x lover isn't an issue unless they are over doing it as many posters have said.
Jealousy is one of the most distructive emotions there is. It speaks of insecurity, and if exercised will bring about the very thing the jealous partner fears. We do not own one another. Put the jealousy away and have some faith in yourself.
Putting jealousy away is much like cutting off your right hand for many.
I think it is best, and the most practical way to live, but I have learned, it just isn't possible for most.
But, I do agree with you.
I've had partners talk about past partners. The nice part about that it gives you insight
into what your current partner likes, hates or anything like that. Though I do get a
little jealous when a past partner talks about their current partner. Can be a little
awkward as well.
Maybe some people never truly get over a past lover and or relationship.
And why should they? A lover is a part of one's life.It is the same as when you were a kid and you remember that time you...
It is part of what makes you, you. Being jealous over past people is silly unless that person isn't past but present. If you are receiving what you need from your current relationship with someone, why care?
Agree with Forereal. I have had several very fulfilling relationships before being with my wife for nearly 11 years. Each of them have helped my personal development. I have held hair back from violent vomiting, dealt with psychological trauma, had an attempt made on my life by one, learned about the effects of jealousy, compassion, sex, humility etc. I remember each of mine very fondly and still think of them from time to time - Yes, even the one who tried to kill me). Each has contributed to me being the person I am today. But I am still able to give myself completely to my wife. I don't know if we ever fully "get over" people who have impacted our lives. Nor should we have to. As long as they don't dominate our thoughts and conversations, or we don't compare our current partner to them, what does it matter?
Agreed. I believe, and I probably said so above, knowing what your partner has experienced helps you understand them and gives you a chance to not repeat the same things they've already gone through.
It can help you understand if a new partners right, or wrong for you as well.
agreed with Erik some people never seem to get past their past relationships it
seems
I too have had more long turn relationships, remember the good times. Do I sit and talk with my wife about them all the time no. If it helps her understand why I react to a behavior, a silly thing she does, then yes I'll bring it up. Outside of that, their mine and I'll never just for get them. Kim and I have Ben together for 10 years, married 8, does not me I for got about the lady before her.
SF